I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
