I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
