got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
