Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
