We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
