he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize