I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
