Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize