My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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