I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
