well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
