My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
