I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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