There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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