4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
