This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
