"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
