If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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