I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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