Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
