we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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