Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
