Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
