I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I didn't notice because vodka
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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