we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
