cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
