Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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