I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
