No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
