Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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