I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
last night I used snow as a chaser
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
