Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize