the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
