New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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