I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
