New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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