i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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