the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We need a shit load of segways right now
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
