She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
