Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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