just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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