The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
