Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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