What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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