on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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