This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
