i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
