In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
