a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
