You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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