if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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