I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
