Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
