i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize