So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize