can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
