he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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