I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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