i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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