I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize