Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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