So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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