in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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