It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
