Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
