He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
