I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
