I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
