well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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