***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
