She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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